A Year without you...
A year ago today, a close AYA friend of mine, Alyssa, passed away from Lymphoma. Alyssa was a one-of-a-kind friend. She was so sweet, had the best dark sense of humor, and the craziest, funniest cancer jokes ever. We met through one of the many organizations we were part of, Elephants and Tea, and I will forever be grateful to them. Elephants and Tea brought us together on weekly Zoom chats before COVID-19 hit.
Every week, we would look forward to seeing a massive group of us during our weekly Zoom chats. There are many organizations out there that offer free Zoom chats for AYA’s who have cancer now. I think it is a great thing! Also, It is the worst club to be part of. Still, the only good thing about this unbearable situation is that we all found our community, saw each other, and connected with many people daily through these fantastic organizations. I can't thank them enough, and I know if Alyssa were here today, she would say the same thing. We are grateful for our cancer communities because they have brought us together—people who get one another and go through the same hurdles.
Alyssa and I first met way back when I was in Florida. We always kept in touch with each other. We hit it off immediately because we had so much in common. We also are dog lovers. Her dog is also a black lab named Izzy. She loved her so much, and every time she was in the hospital, which was quite often, she would show me pictures of Izzy, and she would get upset on Facetime, telling me how much she missed her. I would show her my black lab, Dory, and she would smile. All Alyssa ever wanted was to return home to her family and Izzy.
Alyssa left the entire AYA community and world with a massive void in our hearts, especially mine.
Alyssa was a true superwoman. It was a constant battle for her. A battle no one gets unless you're in our shoes. It was brutal and raw to watch her go through what she went through, coming from a cancer patient myself, especially daily. I felt so helpless even when I was dealing with my health issues.
We had this thing. When she was in the hospital, she would text me daily to know what was going on or if she was having an issue with the staff. I would guide her on what to do if her Mother wasn’t around. When I was in the hospital, I would text her daily, too. It just became our new pattern for years. 2 days before she passed, she stopped texting constantly. Alyssa’s last text message was I am fragile; I am getting transported to another hospital, and I just want to go home to my Mom and Dad and to be with Izzy. My gut was telling me something was up. She went from texting nonstop to barely saying any words because she barely had any strength to keep her eyes open.
I would give anything to talk to you again. You will always be a dear friend to me. I am so grateful for our friendship. You were the best at making me laugh so hard at your dark cancer jokes.
This is not okay. This shouldn’t be. This is bullshit. You should be here! I know you were so tired, and you deserve to rest. I know you're in a better place in my heart, even if we all want you here so severely—especially your incredible parents. I still keep in touch with Mom and Dad weekly; they're so amazing.
Not a moment goes by when I don't think of you. I even go to your name on my phone, which I will never delete, especially when Shinedown comes on my Spotify list out of nowhere.
Thank you for being an incredible friend to me. I am so grateful we crossed paths. I will honor you all the days of my life. This summer, I am doing a walk for you for the Lymphoma Society you loved dearly and were passionate about raising money for. Dory is walking for me, haha. You would have gotten a kick out of that one and laughed, too. I will be tracking all her steps. As you can tell, I can’t walk anymore.
I hope you're proud of me. I have so many big things happening this year, not just for Aya but for children, too. Oh, what I would give to wish you were here so I could tell you about them now. I know you would be so happy.
I am so grateful for our friendship. After losing you, I had to stop all the Zoom chats. I just can't handle it anymore.I’m still friends with all of them on social media. I know you would have understood. We always had each other's backs.
I’ll see you later then…
Love you, my cancer sister,
🤟🏻 D and Dory too