Medically Burnt out
Just looking at this gives me anxiety.
Have you ever been Medically burnt out before? I cant be the only one. This is what being medically burnt out will look like for the next two weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.
I’m just frustrated and angry. I have every right to be because I have to leave my dog all the time, and It kills me. I am her Dog Mom she is my main priority. I am all she has. I know that might sound insane to some people. To me, she is my world. When I get home from these daily appointments, I’m shot and burnt out. Most of the time, I don't even remember anything anymore.
Minus my hospitalization trip for my legs, which I cannot take care of right now because of all of this unexpected news. I am grateful for this new nasty liquid medication from my Palliative care Doctor. It's actually helping a tiny bit.
I would do anything at this point to cancel everything. I have fought so hard for weeks on end. Nineteen different doctors couldn't fit me in for an appointment until July or September. After sending 80 documents and the new CT of my brain for this new potential disease I have from cancer, I now have a 4-hour brutal appointment on Monday. I am so happy I woke up to two voicemails stating the Doctor wants to see me immediately.I am a badass. I did it even when I wanted to give up. I’m so thankful the doctor was so kind, canceled six patients, and put me first for once. It was a relief to wake up to good news. Thank you, new Doc. But, 4 hours of testing, damn. I’ve never been to a neuro-ophthalmologist. I don’t know what to expect other than the secretary telling me a lot of testing. She urged me to bring water since it's a 4-5 hour appointment. I’m just grateful my essential horrible neuro just did a CT of my brain. The atrocious story will be written. But I will tell you he didn’t tell me, a different Neurologist nurse told me!! Make that make sense, all of you.
People often think just because you're stable with Advanced Thyroid Cancer doesn't mean there won't be any hurdles or new medical diagnoses along the way, especially when you don't have good genes, you already have autoimmune diseases from your cancer, and so much more. It doesn't work that way, and I sure wish it did. Before you speak, THINK. Until you go through what millions of us face daily, you know nothing about it. Until you walk into our shoes, be mindful before you speak.
Just because you see a REELS or something online that will “ CURE CANCER or Autoimmune disease” doesn't mean a thing. It's the internet. Just like googling your symptoms is a bad idea as well. I shouldn't even have to say these things out loud. Remember, not everything you see on social media that is there just for clickbait to get you to buy buy buy doesn’t mean it's TRUE or real. It's the worst advice out there.
You need medical professionals for the rest of your life as much as we do not want to deal with any of it. Are there bad ones? Yes, of course.I had plenty, and even one that misdiagnosed me initially. People think we should stop taking our thyroid medication altogether without a Thyroid. Hm, no, you can't. Your life depends on those medications. It's like telling someone with anxiety you don't need anxiety medication while they're having a massive panic attack. If you do not take your thyroid medication every day, eventually, you will end up in a Myxedema coma. You need medication to stay alive for the rest of your life. That's that. Do we want to be on this? No, but we have no choice. For example, there were two days I had no thyroid medication, and my body crashed severely. I couldn’t move and get out of bed, it affects my legs, memory and so much more. Your T3 AND T4 hormones affect every cell in your body, even energy. You experience a lot of horrible symptoms. I would know I almost went into a myxedema coma many years ago. Yes, it scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t fun. This was way before I had my Intramuscular thyroid medications. Don't forget, thyroid medication also keeps your cancer at bay. If you have thyroid cancer like I do. If you have Hypothyroidism or Hashimotos, you still need thyroid medication so you can feel better even if you have a thyroid or a partial.
Remember, you NEVER owe everyone an explanation. YOU have to keep fighting for yourself; no one else will fight for you at the end of the day. No matter how exhausting all of this is. YOU MATTER; you keep fighting.
So, all in all, I have to suck it up and go to these appointments. Would I rather be on a gorgeous beach with Dory? Of course. Maybe one day this summer.
Where there are no doctors, needles, or medical community near me, I will gladly take that day any day. Unfortunately, I can’t get my way just yet.
I’m overwhelmed, beyond exhausted, and I want a break from this life. I had to print out a yearly calendar because I can’t keep up anymore. The worst part is all happening while being stable.
Never a dull moment.
I’m going to Nashville for two days someday soon. I’m going to try to make every single one of my Godchild’s baseball games. I am going to a Met game, and I would like to plan my first summer trip with Dory.
You must live!!! Do it NOW, even if you have to do it alone before it’s too late. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do! You are your own person. That also applies to family.
I hate the unknown. I am scared; I will not sit here and lie. I have been sick for too long. It will be 12 years with ThyCa in July and 14 years with severe nerve damage in my legs. I want it to all end. If only I could be bewitched and make everything go away.
I’m never prepared. Life keeps throwing curve balls at me continuously; all I can do is tackle as it comes. I hope that someday I will get a medical break. Let me tell you. I can't wait for that day. I dream of that every single day. I do. To be carefree and worry about NOTHING, you know, the petty things people take for granted every day. Dream goals, baby!
“Just Keep Swimming”
🤟🏻D